TROGS

WHAT IS A TROG:


You may have heard the word used recently, perhaps at a college party, or a different raucus themed event. Indeed you may have even thought that it was simply a joke, used to conjecture hatred towards particularly drunk females at a party.

You ARE WRONG!!!!

Trogs are perhaps the largest threat to humanity in today's world. A close relative of the Swamp Dog and a descendant of the Skeezer, the "TROG", or Skankedimudis Tremendipissus, in Latin, is a homeland creature that takes a shape very close to a female teenager. Silently invading and assuming the identities of these young girls, Trogs will attack the unfortunate looking female when she is alone, eat her, and then wear her skin. They will then arrive at college parties all over the northeast area of Towson, Maryland and begin to scheme their plans to eventually EAT AND SWALLOW THE MALES AT THE PARTY, specifically their penises.




HOW DO I SPOT A TROG?:

Ah, so you are ready to go trog spotting! Good, you may just save your mansword from being gobbled up! Providing, of course, you know the different RANKINGS and CLASS TYPES of TROG, you will not only be able to spot these calciferous creatures, but also be able to correctly initiate the TROG CALL, and fend yourself off from these nasty beasts.

Tros are usually quite self conscious, and if appropriate verbal rape is initiated, their appetites for cocksauce will usually subside. Depending on the different type of TROG you are currently facing, you will need a wide arsenal and quick wit to survive the night!


WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT CLASSES OF TROG?:

There are FOUR levels of TROG indigenous to the Towson area, ranked in Trog level 1 - 4, with 4 being the highly feared TROG QUEEN. The Trog queen is rumored to have devoured over EIGHTY young college boys' "members", and is considered to be the most dangerous part of any trog grouping.


TROG CLASS ONE: SORT OF TROGGY

The Class ONE Trog is not so easy to spot. With enough makeup and a baggy sweater, this type of Trog may look just like an average college aged girl. BUT ALAS- she is a coniferous beast, and later in the night will surely gobble you up and poison you with swarms of gonorrhea, if you are not careful.

Class one Trogs have the following traits:

-Yelling "This is my FAVVVVVORITTTEEE SONG OMG"
-Wearing not nearly enough clothes, for a saggy body type.
-Asking REPEATEDLY for free beers
-General yelling, screaming
-TAKING FACEBOOK PICTURES AT A CROWDED PARTY
-Bumming Cigarettes like its their JOB

You may be surprised that these traits denote automatic troghood! You've seen them before, so close, and not even realized! This is why I am here. Onward!


TROG CLASS TWO: TROGGIN IT UP

The most common type of TROG, this vile beast will be easier to spot, because they are extremely loud and very hard to ignore.

Class Two Trogs have the following traits:

-Constantly nagging certain men for illegal narcotic drugs, which of course they have no money for
-Inviting fellow trogs to the party.
-Bumming PACKS of cigarettes.
-Spilling expensive drinks all over men's pants, then offering to help "clean it up".
-Screaming at other men for pointing out their obvious Troghood.
-Talking about their non existent boyfriend or rich father.
-Being extremely sloppy, to the point of inability to stand.

And of course, all of the traits of the Class one Trog.

TROG CLASS THREE: FUCKING TROGSAUCE

Ugh. Gross, dude. Youll hear that when this one steps into the room, presumably wiping a fresh batch of semen off of their lips.

Here's the telltale signs:

-Vomiting everywhere
-Threatening to call the cops
-Fighting (WHITE TRASH)
-Stuffing drugs up their nose and down their throat at an alarming and frankly frightening pace
-Chain Smoking
-Falling into walls, windows, guy's cocks
-Finding men at the party that they have infested before and talking about their cock
-Calling ex boyfriends in front of everyone to cry and scream and jesus christ shut the fuck up
-General shenanigans and tomfoolery
-Hooking up with the youngest guys at the party, back to back, with no shame whatsoever
-Peeing on the floor
-Eating Taco Bell faster than seems humanly possible (Trogs can swallow at alarming rates)
-Loud, vomity, sweaty Belching
-Pit Sweat

Yikes! If you see the Class three TROG, find a blunt object, lure her away with promises of happiness and a better relationship with her parents, and strike her a couple times on the back of the head. Hide the body, and return to enjoy the party. CLASS THREE TROGS ARE SELF AWARE! They will not be insulted by most common household terms, and are completely aware that they are Trogging at alarming paces.




CLASS FOUR TROG: THE TROG QUEEN

It's not known what the true origins of the Trog queen is, but its safe to say that at birth, it came out of its Trog Mother and immediately offered every man in the room a stout Blowjob. The Trog queen can be found in showers giving out multiple blowjobs, swallowing cock after cock and spreading their vile filth and destitution. She gets what she wants; if you are drunk and become a target of the trog queen, RUN! They are impervious to any verbal insults, physical force, bullets, steel, and shame.

What you'll see a class four Trog doing:

-Stealing someone's car and leaving them on the floor drying to go downtown and purchase items of less than legal properties at 1:30 in the morning
-Shameless public threesomes
-Yelling at police officers
-Passing out on the floor at 4:30 in the afternoon, drunk as fuck, for an hour
-Stealing
-Gambling
-Having TWO threesome within an hour in the back seat of a car at Hunt Cup LOL
-Trading off on the Cock with a Class three or two Trog
-Generally just being a shameless and complete mess all of the time.







So now you know. And Knowing is half the battle. As college gentlemen and classy young women, we must STAND TOGETHER to fight the TROG INFESTATION of Towson. I'm thinking facebook group. If people like this, we will indeed be forming the
Towson Anti- Trog Confederation

and will be meeting weekly to discuss Trogs, as well as having an updated catalog of Trog sightings. Holler!


And yeah, I got some free time today.